about a burning fire...

8.31.03 Last night...wow. So the mysterious "rapture" finally happened last night (or this morning) at 3:00AM. I awoke to pounds on our door and the yelling of the uperclassmen screaming "GET UP! RAPTURE! GET UP NOW! RAPTURE!" This continued as I scrambled to get my stuff together (we were told to have a towel, a swimsuit, and running shoes ready at all times for rapture) because I wasn't prepared. Then my roomates and I made it out of our rooms to meet up with every other freshman/transfer student groggily making their way to the lounge. We all looked like zombies freshly awaken from the dead. As we entered the lounge in Hodson we were sternly told not to say a word but to sign in on a sign in sheet. Then were all to line up against the wall and not speak. As we waited for the rest of our fellow Hodson brothers to make their way to the lounge the screaming continued outside all rooms that hadn't yet opened their doors. "GET UP NOW!!! YOU WILL REGRET IT IF YOU DON'T!!! RAPTURE!!! GET UP!!!" We stood patiently against the wall wondering what on earth we were about to get ourselves into. As the final Hodson brothers made their way to the lounge we were split up into groups, led to an upperclassman's cars, given blindfolds and told to get in the car and not say a word. In my car was my roomate and one other guy I didn't know well. When we got in the car we were told to put on the blindfolds and put them on tight. We rode for about 15 minutes, half of the time I spent trying to figure out if I was really awake or not. I was so tired I couldn't tell if it was a dream or actually reality. We arrived at our destination and were told to take off the blindfolds. We were in the middle of a field next to a forest. We were then led to to a grass field with torches forming a path to our final destination. We were told to stand in a giant circle. We did as we were told and were silent. We silently stood in our circle with nothing but the torches all around for light. As we stood there our attention was drawn to the path we had just walked down. Four men dressed as druids with black robes covering their entire body and face slowly walked down the path carrying a coffin. The made their way to the middle of the circle and rested the coffin on a stand that was awaiting them. We all stood in awe as the druids circled around the coffin and bowed their heads. One of them stepped forward and explained that "Tonight we are here to attend a service." He went on to explain that each of us new students had things from back home, childish things, un-Godly things that we needed to put a death to. We were given a piece of paper and told to pray and ask God what we needed to let go of. Then we were told to write it down and put it on a raft that had a small fire on it by a pond. We did so and they sent the flaming raft out on the pond. Then they went on to tell us about how each of us was a child when we came here. When we woke up for rapture we were children, but now it was time to leave childish things behind and that tonigt we would leave as men. They went on to tell us about what being a Hodson man was all about. They explained our Hodson logo of the "Tau" (T). About how as men of God we are to be in balance mentally, physically, socially with our spirituality encompassing all of it. It was a really cool time and after they talked for a while we were led up to a hill where there was a bonfire waiting for us. We sat around it and sang some praise songs. Then they had a breakfast waiting for us afterwards also. After we ate we came back to IWU/Hodson and there were certificates waiting for us in our rooms with each of our names on it saying "Your past behind, your future ahead with Christ." It was an amazing experience and I can't imagine ever having something as special as this occur again. We came as boys but left as men. It was awesome.
T,
-Kevin

8.30.03 So, I made it here safely at Indiana Wesleyan University. Yesterday we got here, I met my roomates and moved all in. I'm in extended housing which means there's three of us in a room meant for two. But, it's not half as bad as I thought it would be. I have a nice little cubby here at my desk under Chase's bed. My bed is the top bunk over my other roomate Jon's. I am staying at Hodson Hall and it is a very cool dorm to live in. We do a lot of cool things. We have this thing called "Rapture" that can occur at any time. Our RA's won't tell us what it is but we are supposed to keep swimming trunks, a towel, a sweatshirt, and tennis shoes ready at all times because as they informed us "Rapture can occur any time day or night." So, we'll see what that's all about. Then in February we have facial hair month where no one in the dorm shaves. We also have this thing called "Assasins" where we get a name of another person we are supposed to assasinate with like Nerf guns or whatever. So that's cool. And there's other just cool, fun stuff like that, that we do here. It's a fun dorm. So anyway, we got moved in yesterday then last night we broke out into our small groups for orientation for the weekend. I have like 10 people in my group. Like 4 guys and 6 girls. So last night we just got to know each other a bit then went over to a professors house for dessert. It was a lot of fun. I got to share a bit about my toughts on making films from a Christian perspective with my group leader Katie and the professor's wife. We talked for a while which was cool. Basically my thing with filmmaking is that I've wanted to do something in "the ministry" for a while. I thought about being a pastor because afterall when people talk about "ministry" we usually limit it to pastoral or missions work. I don't think that is what God wants at all though. We all need to be full time ministers with our lives, and this means with our professions also. The world doesn't need more pastors, it needs more ministers and I think all Christians are called to this. Anyway, after a lot of praying and thinking about all of this I realized I would have so much more impact by doing filmmaking than by being a pastor. In all civilizations throughout the history of the world storytellers have had the biggest impact on culture. I believe that the modern-day storytellers are filmmakers. I think filmmakers and musicians (films and music) have the most impact on culture today. So hopefully I can be a part of shaping where our culture is going. Anyway...so yeah, last night was fun. Then today we had devotions at 7:20AM. It was too early but it was still good. Then we had breakfast, a couple workshops, then a chapel service. After that we had a picnic outside the performing arts center. My parents and my sister came to it also to my surprise. They went down to Indy last night to stay with the Deurs but all of them came up for chapel and the picnic today. So, I hung out with them a bit. Then I got a nice, long-needed nap. After that my small group did a low ropes course at Ketcham Woods. It was a lot of fun and I think our group got to know each other a lot better. Following that I went to dinner and met a few new people and sat with them. It was fun. I have met a lot of people so far actually but I only remember a few of their names. I haven't really "clicked" with anyone yet but I am in high spirits still. I have been learning to really rely on God more and that has been cool. This has always been a real struggle for me to learn but I think I am finally learning to just rely on God and God alone. It has been awesome so far. Tonight after dinner we had a "Island Party" just outside my dorm out in the courtyard area for all students. It was a lot of fun. There was a ton of people there! More than I even knew were on campus right now. A few bands played, there were pools full of goldfish you could try to catch with your hands or with cups, food, tons of decorations, people dressed up like the cast of Gilligan's Island and just a bunch of cool stuff like that. I met some cool people there too and was actually in a contest for best pick-up line. The winner got a free pizza. Mine line was "Your parents must be retarded because you are one special girl." The guys thought it was funny but the girls were the judges and I lost. The one that won though was way better anyway. It was "You must be a parking ticket because you have fine, fine, fine witten all over you." It was fun being in it. After the party I walked around campus for a long time with a guy and a girl I had met. So, my day has been pretty fun today. Anyway, in short I am doing really well. Thank you to everyone who reads this for caring about me and for your prayers.
much love,
-Kevin

8.27.03 The past few days have been jam-packed. I am busy getting ready for school and stuff. I leave Friday morning and am getting very excited! I have now met both of my roomates on the phone and they both seem pretty cool. I met a girl Sunday at Holland Central named Allie (?...I think) and she is going to IWU this year too. We're both going to orientation too so hopefully I'll see her there and at least kind of know someone. Orientation is Friday night through Monday so it will at least give me something to do before school starts on Tuesday and hopefully I'll meet some cool people also.
This Sunday I went to Holland Central (as previously stated) and attended The Vine service there. A missionary spoke there and talked about how when he first went to Azerbajan (spell?) he got off the plane and this little, dingy, poor, sick-looking girl grabbed his leg and begged him for money. He was stricken with sorrow and asked God "Why do I get to have so much while this girl goes hungry and has so little." He them felt God reply in his heart "I gave you so much so you could bless little girls like this." This was a real wake-up call to me personally hearing this story. I am always wondering why I get to be so blessed. Often times thinking does God love me more than so many other people who have less? This was a great challenge for me to use all that I have to bless other people. I am so very selfish all the time and I really need to follow Christ's example of loving and blessing others. So often times we hear stories like this though and say "Wow, that was a great story, I feel really challenged." but don't ever do anything about it. Our culture is so that we are trained to hear sermons and challenges and still go about living our comfortable Christian lives. So rarely do I see people taking actual note of what they hear and putting it into practice. Ben and I were talking a while ago about a professor at Hope who is just so very hard-core about the Word of God. He takes nothing in the Bible lightly. One thing Ben shared with me is that being in His class has been a real eye-opener about how lightly he and so many of us take the Bible lightly. His professor challenges them with "Christ didn't say the things He said just as nice things to say, but He really means for us to live this out." So often I unintentionally forget that as I'm reading God's Word I need to be examining my life and asking myself "Am I really living this? If I am not what can I do to change that? How can I live this? What needs to happen in me?" This is how I believe God wants us to read His Word. Not as a nice book to read, but He wants us to read it with full intention of following through and living out what we read, what Christ commands us. The Greeks and the Hebrews had different beliefs about learning. The Greeks believed that once a man knew all there was to know about how to do something they had learned it. The Hebrews on the other hand believed a man had not really learned a thing until they knew it and did it. The key is doing it. I wonder by Hebrew standards how much of Christ's commands we have really learned. I know for myself personally I have learned little. This is one thing I need to remedy and I plan on intentionally doing God's word. I'm sick of living in a lukewarm generation in a lukewarm culture. I'm sick of being like everyone else and not taking note of God's word. Conrad from www.decapolis.com is quoted as saying "True faith is knowing God's word, believing God's word, and doing God's word. Faith requires so much more than believing. If belief was all we needed then all the demons and the devil himself are going to Heaven because the Bible says they believe in God. We need to not only believe what God says but take action. "This is your life. Are you who you want to be?" Let's take action!
-Kevin

8.22.03 All I have to say today is that there are merely 679 days left until Indiana Jones 4 is released in theaters!!!!!!!
Punk rock,
-Vin

8.21.03 Last night I got to attend a "hungry service" for Watermark (a new local church that is just starting, see Steve Deur's blog for more info). It was a great time for me personally just meeting with God in a real personal way. Leaving this earth in spirit almost and meeting with God in complete sanctuary. God really set me straight on some issues and it was a wonderful experience. The main thing I came out with was that in the end all that matters, all that lasts is God. It's so easy for me to get so into the things of this world. The past few days a certain area of my life has been my focus and has consumed almost all of my thinking. But, God showed me that in the scheme of things it is sooooo very insignificant. It is so easy to lose sight of what really matters and this is one thing I really need to work on. It was so great to have God put me in my place and make me realize the big picture.
Praise be to God,
-Kevin
"Be still my soul. Thy God doth undertake to guide the future as He has the past."

8.20.03 Only a few days away from going off to school! I'm getting pretty excited about it actually. For a while I was really nervous but I am more excited now. I am kinda just ready to get away and have the chance to start from scratch. The past couple days have been pretty crazy and a lot of growing has taken place in me. I had a huge fight with God yesterday and it was just a real struggle to let go of some things but in the end I have. God is working in me and that is very exciting. I still want to get away for at least most of a day this next week before going off to school and just spend a good amount of time with God. Also maybe to just write out some things I want to accomplish at school (like setting goals for myself). I want to enter in with a mission, with a purpose and follow through with it. I don't want to be aimless.
Word,
-Kevin

8.18.03 If any of you wishes to write me or have any comments about my blog I have a new e-mail address at vinmarkproductions@hotmail.com
Thanks for reading!
-Vin
"My father always swore that Hell would have no flames, just a front-row seat to watch your true love pack her things and drive away." -Paperback

8.16.03 Today was a crazy busy day at work. I worked 8 hours and by that I mean I worked 8 hours. It was crazy today because we had a huge sale at Meijer but I got to work with Kory which was cool. Speaking of which, yesterday Kory and I worked together the whole day and it was one crazy day. We found this crazy old wooden bridge over a river that was around 70 feet high in the middle of the woods. It looked like it was straight out of a movie. And to make it even more moviesque it had, get this, a traintrack on it. The bridge was about 20 feet wide and the only thing on it was a traintrack with no guardrails or anything to keep things from falling off. We threw rocks off it for a while (I stood a few feet from the edge because I am a wuss) until Kory excitedly realized that this was in his words, "The tallest thing I've ever peed off of!" He them proceeded to do just that. He was very excited about his life. The day was full of crazy things like that. By the end of the day we had driven on two sidewalks, got yelled at twice, saw some very cool Amish people, listened to the new Dashboard c.d. three times and met a man who was almost the spitting image of Ned Flanders. It was a good day all in all. Lately I have been fortunate enough to get to check out some cool live music too. Last night I got to see The Pellows play for free at the Grand Haven Community Center. It was their c.d. release party and a good one it was. Brad and I bought their new c.d. too and it is very impressive. Opening for them last night was one of my all time heros Joe Shanderson. He played a fun set also. The night before however was the coolest. Brad, Kimi, Mike Marshall, Christy, Jason, Anji, Eric and I all made our way downtown Grand Rapids to see Switchfoot live in Rosa Park Circle. This show was free also and it was amazing! A local rock station brought them in along with Budweiser beer and I would guess around 75% of the people in attendance were unbelivers. These guys (Switchfoot) are on the cutting edge of ministry. They are all Christians and it is so obvious the passion and love they have for people. But, they never once directly talked about Christianity or God from stage but simply challenged people to ask themselves "What am I living for?". The audience was then challenged with the song "Meant to Live" which as the chorus goes "We were meant to live for so much more." This band is truly making a great impact on the culture around them. I think so often times Christian bands go up and say "Jesus loves you, you need God." etc. By using methods like that I think the audience tends to tune out and shut off what the band's saying because they take it as preachy and it doesn't really meet them where they are. I think Switchfoot does such a good job of meeting people where they are. They don't come in like "We're Christians and you need to be one too", but they are meeting people where they are and simply challenging them to think about their lives. Then in one on one conversations after the shows they can tell them about the truth they've found in Christ and I think one on one is so much more impactful than preaching from a stage. Not to mention Switchfoot's c.d.'s and songs all point to the true, living God which will carry on long after the band's moved on to their next show. I believe Switchfoot is on to something great and now that they are getting radio play by non-Christian stations they can impact so many more lives (as P.O.D. does: see 8.12.03's entry). I think it's sooooo awesome that Christian bands are breaking out of this Christian mold, this Christian bubble and going out and making a real difference in our culture.
xoxo
-Vin

8.14.03 Last night I was reminded even more about how we need to be in the world but not of the world. So often times I can be accused of living in my comfortable Christian bubble. Last night however by a bunch of crazy circumstances I was able to have coffee with some guys I graduated with. Now let me set something straight: I've NEVER talked to these guys outside of school. These guys flat out intimidate me. They're very nice, good guys but...they believe nothing the same as me and I find that to be intimidating because I am (sadly) so used to being around Christians. We sat and talked for a couple hours straight and it was amazing. These guys don't believe anything the same as me but I found that we still had so much in common. We had a great talk and I think I really was able to fit in with them which hopefully in time will be a great ministry. I found somewhat to my surprise that we had so much in common. We talked about growing up, playing with Ninja Turtles, we compared scars, told funny stories, talked about baseball and just recounted our lives thus far. It was a great time and just an eye-opening experience to me on how much more I need to be in the world as nights like last night rarely occur with me. Two days ago I talked about this balance of seeking holiness but still being in the world and sadly I am guilty so often of seeking holiness and seeking God that I forget about ministry and connecting with people and God is ALL ABOUT people.
Peace,
-Kevin

8.13.03 Today is my first real day back to work since my knee surgery. I am looking foward to getting money as I still need $300.00 for school. I am working the next two weeks before school starts and hope to make enough money by then. Tomorrow night Brad and I are going to see Switchfoot play a free show in Grand Rapids and I am getting pretty stoked about that. We were also going to see Pulse (the new Imax "Stomp" movie) on Friday with Eric and Ben but found out that it is already sold out. So, that kinda sucks. Kory, Nick, Melissa and I are also pulling a nice prank tonight so that will be fun also. Let's just say it invloves a big fountain and tons of red cool-aid. Two nights ago Kory, Melissa, and I all borrowed bikes from Valueland (which they just leave outside all night un-locked) and rode all around Muskegon. That was a lot of fun too. I bought the new Dashboard Confessional c.d. "A Mark, A Mission, A Brand, A Scar" yesterday. I've been looking foward to this c.d. for a year now and I have to say it was worth the wait. The sound is a lot more rocky than previous Dashboad projects but in this post-emo time of music it is right on the mark. Great stuff. This summer I read "A Severe Mercy" by Sheldon Vanauken and have to say that it is an amazing book. I highly recomend it. Next week Kory and I are renting all the Nightmare on Elm Street and Friday the 13th movies. We want to see all of Freddy Kruger and Jason's movies so that when "Freddy vs. Jason" comes out in theaters we can go see it. By the way Pirates of the Carribean was the best movie I've seen all year. I highly recomend that also. Gore Verbinski (director of P.O.T.C. and The Ring) is amazing! MxPx's new album comes out Saturday and I am stoked about that! It's been three years since their last album!!! This better be good. Nate Kingsbury is filming stuff for a new season of Donkey which is kinda crazy. The word is that the "Clarissa Explains it All" theme song will be the new theme song for this Donkey-like t.v. show. August 27th (assuming it is not cloudy) Mars will be able to be seen the size of our full moon in the sky, something which will not occur ever again in our lifetime. It can already be seen now, but merely as a bright object near the moon. However on the 27th it will be the closest it will reach. Ok, that is enough of my thoughts for the day. Hope you all enjoy Mars while it's here.
Hugs and Kisses,
-Vin

8.12.03 This is my very first post on this thing. Ironically I've always said internet journals are dumb, but I changed my mind. I am about to embark on the scariest, most exciting adventure of my life and I thought there would be value in recording it. Today I am only a couple short weeks away from leaving for college. I am attending Indiana Wesleyan University this fall as a transfer student coming in as a second semester Freshman. This complete life change is very scary but I am also looking foward to it very much. This will be my first time away from home for more than just a few months. The time is getting closer and closer. Summer flew by and I cannot believe I can already see the end of it up ahead. I had an amazing summer though. Just two days ago I got back from Virginia. I drove 13 hours down there to visit my dear friend Michelle. We had a great time but it was bittersweet as I won't have the chance to see her again maybe until next year. She has deffinatly been my closest friend this summer and it hurts to have this season in our lives end. She leaves for Europe at the beginning of September to go backpacking with two of her friends for a whole month. But the seperation will be good. I've relied on her so much this summer and she has truly been my support. Going into college I have nothing to rely on but God which will be amazing I am sure. This year I've drifted from most of my friends also which has been good. Now I can begin this new stage fresh with nothing holding me back. There's nothing left for me in this town. I'm ready to begin this new chapter. In going in to IWU my plan is to be a communications major. I am really wanting to go into filmmaking eventually. IWU has a cool new program for that and I am excited about being a part of it. My goal in filmmaking is to make art that shows truth. I think that the truth is the only thing worth pursuing and whethor it's ugly or beautiful people need the truth. In some of my family's and friend's sometimes limited view on "ministry" most everyone assumes I am going to be a "Christian filmmaker". My goal has never been nor will be to make "Christian films." I think when we make Christian films, Christian music, Christian books etc. we simply distance ourselves from our culture more and live in our little Christian bubble. The extreme of this may be the Amish. In pursuit of holiness we sometimes lose sight that we are called to still be in this world. There needs to be a balance. I am not saying anything against Christian music of films or books but I think that we need to have a balance. While we might seek holiness while reading Christian books we need to still be relevant to our culture and read what they are reading too. If we are not relevant to our culture we lose great ministry opportunities because we simply cannot relate to common everyday people. I strive to meet this balance but it is a struggle always. What I am saying is that bands like P.O.D. have so much more of a ministry to unreached teens than artists like Michael W. Smith because they are not making "Christian music". They are making great, positive music, that speaks the truth and that both Christians and non-Christians can relate to. In doing this their ministry opportunites are amazing! I want to strive to make film, to make art that exposes the truth. In the end Jesus is the truth.